"You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel"

I haven't been in a relationship for quite a long time. However, I have this friend. I love her probably more than I loved my first-and-only girlfriend. I love her differently, of course, but I love her... I don't know... I want to say I love her a lot, but that doesn't quite say it. So you get the idea.

We have had a lot of problems, and at one time, I decided not to talk to her anymore because we always ended up hurting each other. I thought it was better to stop and cherish the memories. I didn't tell her about my "reasoning" for not talking to her. It was painful to look at her from afar, knowing I love her so much and not being able to get close. It lasted for about six months. We talked again, it was like we both wanted it. She asked me why I stopped talking to her, and I told her. She told me that was the most stupid reason she could think of. Anyhow, we were talking again.

I have come to believe that it is true that you can love someone too much. So much it hurts. It didn't take us long to hurt each other again. After about two weeks, she told me we should not talk anymore, and she gave me the exact same reason I had given her before. I don't believe she was mocking me, I think she sincerely believed it was better to stop before we hurt each other more.

I miss her a lot. I need her. She's what made my days happy, she's always on my mind, I can't stop thinking of her. But, would I talk to her again knowing what the most likely outcome is? It's funny. I feel like I want to say no, but I would be her unconditional friend again anytime in a heartbeat.

That's what love does, isn't it? Doesn't it deprive us from logic and reason? Doesn't it make us hurt for our feelings for that other person? Doesn't it make you feel like no matter what, you want that other person next to you? She's been nothing more than a friend to me. And it hurts bad.