tuned in:James blunt - tears & rain
When things seems to be going fine once more, it has to crumble all over again..
It was just my own wishful thinking that she will understand me..
Alas, why i'm i being the ignorant fool again?
Thinking that by swallowing my pride, admitting to whatever mistake by keeping silence, all would turn out well.
I never denied that I contribute to such a conclusion.
As the saying goes it takes two to clap..
Yea. Fine. All the blame i am to shoulder.. I don't mind really..
probably trying hard to become immune to it all..
However.. I'll not condon to letting my siblings go thru all of this..
They are not as naive as i am.. they are not me..
One is sec 3 now.. i noe how tough it is to go thru such a stressful teenage phrase..
It shld not affect her studies.. never..
Another pri 5..
No.. he needs so much more guidance n not all this negativity tt is presented upon him..
I noe i haven been spending much time with them both..
and knowing they wouldnt really bother...
1 always having to work over time..
the other.. just saying better study hard.. etc..
shesh.
Perhaps i'll shall stop doin camps.
like once and for all.
wtf. WTFing hell izit... since when you continously scold in mandarin??? damnz bloody irritating whn u cant speak mandarin properly too..
Shit. Always bringin up the same shit..
oh.. so u wan me to stay home all day to do the house chore rite?
if tts wt u wan.
ya.. like clean till the whole house is sparkling cleaned..
Heck if u don clean our rm.. and when the bloody hell i treated u like a maid?
Yea.. we don act like girls.. yea.. perhaps you shld have more sons instead of daughters.. ya..
Perhaps God made a mistake.
Wt a big mistake.
Sometimes u don even give him the respect he deserves.
And i just keep all of this shit to myself.
why don i ever stand up to you?
why do i always jus brush off thinking everything would be alrite?
thinking you are jus really mad now.. so all those things u said u really don mean it..
but its always seem so real..
so so real...
I noe he is too.. prolly he Is really immune to all of this..
but patience wears off over time..
don push your luck..
they are all jus keeping quiet.. thinking its best for all..
ya.. and perhaps i'll be the only black sheep of the family..
A Home? no.. its only a house.
She thinks now sitting in front of the tv wif the rest of the family means all is gd again.
bullshit.
the scars she leave everytime she says something nasty..
just deepens the scar even further..
I'm so afraid..
that i'll lose wt i used to be..
the one tt every1 noes me for who i am..
FOR GOOD.
Lord answer my prayers.. plz..
I guess its time i run
far far away find comfort in pain,
all pleasures the same,
it just keeps me from trouble.
its more than just words..
Its just tears and rain..
